Show and Tell

Did you think that I came up with this slogan while sitting in some sort of an Ivory Tower looking down at YOUR flaws without acknowledging the laundry list of my own?  Oh heck no….the only way I could come to terms with all these flaws and idiosyncrasies of mine was to write a book about them because there are that many and it gets a little lonely when you start to think that you’re the only crazy one in the room! 

So, just in case you were doubting the fact that I have faced and am working constantly on issues of my own, in case you were thinking that I am pointing a poorly manicured finger at you without taking a good long look in the mirror, well lovely girl, I hope you’ve got some time and a whole lot of patience because here come my truths…. 

 I am proud to claim the following little hiccups in my behavior as my own…the good, the bad, the ugly…..and this is just the tip of the iceberg!!  Suffice it to say, I am intentionally a work in progress and if the day should come when I have finally mastered all the junk that makes me who I am you can bet that the book will have a sequel, but until then…..pull up a couch because I’m just getting warmed up!

Ladies, I proudly introduce you to just a tiny sampling of my oh-so-cherished flaws!

After I’ve been to any sort of social gathering where there are lots of people I require almost an entire day of solitude in order to decompress and go back to my happy quiet place.

Whenever there is a family gathering when I know my mom and my mother-n-law are going to be in the same room for an extended period of time I start having tiny little meltdowns for several days beforehand worrying about how my mom is going to go out of her way to be rude to everybody.  I also get mad well in advance because I know that my mother-n-law is going to put her fingers into every item I have cooked, baked or prepared BEFORE she washes her hands.

Whenever I go to an art festival or see another artist’s work I start to think that I don’t have any talent and should have just gone to law school.

Sometimes when my husband is talking to me I can’t hear anything he is saying because the voices in my head are louder than he is.

Sometimes when I am in a room full of women and everybody is talking as loud as they possibly can I want to blow a whistle and tell them all to just be quiet and listen to each other.

Whenever  I clean my desk off and put everything in its place I wind up feeling sad and bored.  It’s more fun to be surrounded by all the things that make me happy.

I am very lazy about making the bed unless I know someone else is going to see it.   All the pretty bedding in the world doesn’t make up for the fact that in a matter of hours I will be tossing everything aside and messing it all up again, so I opt for saving myself a few steps.

I like to wait until most of my nailpolish is chipped off and then go see my mom.  It’s one of her biggest pet peeves and brings me a little joy when I see her sneak a peek at my weathered nails and silently give me that “mom” look without ever having to say a thing.  Happiness is in the little things.

I work really hard to be irreverent, curious,  brave, taller, and happy

I am an introvert who wears a bright and shiny extroverts costume

I am constantly and forever seduced by macaroni and cheese.  I really am.  I think it evokes in me a time in my life before everything got crazy.  My family would have dinner together and everything seemed so “normal.”  Maybe this is why when I am most stressed out or craving comfort, I immediately head for the mac and cheese….it makes me wildly happy.

Most of the time while my dad was alive I used to subconsciously sabotage my own success so that I wouldn’t be make my dad feel bad….  Parents are supposed to want us to succeed, and my parents were no different, but for some inexplicable reason I got it into my head that if my dad ever saw me as truly successful he would feel hurt or as though he had somehow failed. 

Remember when you were little and it was such fun to gather up sheets and blankets to build a fort?  I think grown-ups should be allowed to do that when things get rough.  We need a place to hide out for a few minutes and pull it back together…. Then when we’re ready and breathing at a normal pace again we can pop right out and get on with our lives.

I always leave forget to pour out any remaining beverage that might be in my glass or mug before I put it in the sink….I think I subconsciously do this because I am always working very hard to be a “glass half full” sort of girl and I tend to do better with visual aids.

A long time ago before I was married and living on my own, I l decided it would be fun to host my very first Thanksgiving dinner.  The food was a big hit but when everybody left and I had time to look at all the dishes, pots, pans and other odds and ends that I would be forced to wash without the luxury of a dishwasher, I decided it would be more fun to just throw it all in the trash.  I gathered up every single item that I had either served the food on, or cooked the food in, put it in big garbage bags and threw it all away.  Then I went out to the Black Friday sales and bought myself all new kitchen items the very next day.  If  I wasn't married and trying endlessly to be a grown-up, I would still do this after every meal because it felt really GOOD!

Whenever my husband gets in the shower he has a need to organize all the products into straight little lines divided up by whether he or myself uses them.  I intentionally get in after him just so I can tip things over, leave caps off bottles and mess things up all over again.  I wonder sometimes if he just thinks I have some sort of bathroom organizational issues because he’s never said a word about it, he just straightens everything up again.  Bad Heather.

Sometimes I let my gas tank run down to the very tip of empty just to see if the computer in my car that tells me how much gas I have is really paying attention.

Unless it’s pizza, chocolate cake, holiday leftovers or Chinese food I have an absolutely phobia of reheating food from a previous meal.

I like to start loads and loads of projects and not finish any of them just so I always have something to do.

I secretly fantasize about initiating conversations about controversial topics just so I can stir up the pot a little when there is a large social gathering and there is a lull in the conversation. 

Sometimes I intentionally wear jeans that I know are far too big on me just so I can feel like I lost weight.

If  I was forced between buying magazines and art supplies, or paying the bills, I would always opt for art supplies, that way I could at least draw myself a house and use the magazine pages as wall paper  if things ever got really bad.

I have a really hard time eating cereal that reminds me of my childhood because my mom used to always apply her perfume right before she took out our cereal bowls and it made everything taste like perfume.

Every time I pass a zoo I want to pull off to the side of the road dress myself in camouflage and set all the animals free.

Sometimes I stare at the cellulite on the back of my legs for far too long because I am convinced that if I visualize smooth skin enough I can surely will it to happen….so far it hasn’t worked.

I never like to read my old journals because they remind me that I have been making the same plans for years and so far I have been too afraid to REALLY make them happen.

When I hold the door for somebody or extend a kind gesture and they don’t say “thank you,” I make sure they can hear ME say “you’re welcome,” and then I smile at them just so they know I really said it.

When people are mean to their children in public places I stare at them until I know they see me looking at them for the jerks that they are.

If somebody on the road  gets too close to our car when my husband is driving, I take off my seat belt, kneel in my seat looking backwards and stare at them until they back off.  It doesn’t always work, but it does make my husband crazy.

I’m really good at telling other people how to fix their lives but not so great when it comes to fixing my own.

I believe that just about everything tastes better when you cover it with chocolate or Ranch dressing.

I’m scared to death that even as you read this you are judging me and might never come back but I’m putting it out there anyway because if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that keeping things in the dark only makes them feel scarier….

And there you have it.....so, I've shown you a few of mine, and now maybe you'll share a few of yours!  If not, well, at least you can go on with your day and realize that no, you are not in fact the only crazy one in the room because I got here first!

Wishing you a day filled with all sorts of candy-coated fabulous!

Heather

 

A Happy Party of One

So you’ve got this idea of yours….this dream you’ve been carrying around forever, the one that means everything to you…. And maybe you’ll finally muster up the courage to share it with a few close friends….  You’ll do this although you’re secretly scared to death of what they will think because it means SO much to you, but what could be the harm in sharing it with the people closest to you, right?  Of COURSE they will love it!! 

In an ideal world, your friends and family will be the very first people in line to support you, they will applaud your courage, they will buy piles of your products, tell everybody they know about your new endeavor, and they will be there unconditionally to celebrate right along with you….or maybe they won’t.

People are tricky and they each have their own reasons for doing things….reasons that have nothing to do with you or me.  As I was getting ready to launch the new website for Flawed, I shared the link with a friend…I was so excited to actually be letting somebody see this (other than hubby) that I couldn’t sit still.  I sent the link and got ready for her to be as excited as I was about my new adventure.  The response I got back was less than lukewarm and for a moment I was ALMOST shattered.  But then I realized that I was actually glad she responded that way because it reminded me of why this endeavor is so important.

I’ve spent a vast part of my life allowing people to judge me, allowing their opinions to change the way I see myself or my work.  I let them alter my perception of myself and gave them free reign to take away my thunder.  I have been sad about it, angry, let down, disappointed, heartbroken and myriad of other adjectives that all lead back to me being generally just REALLY REALLY mad.

Then I asked myself why it mattered so much; could it be that I pride myself on being there to unconditionally support friends and family so much that when I don’t get that same response back, it hurts? Most assuredly, YES.   But the thing is, the truth is that we don’t get to decide how people respond to us.  We can put our faith in them and hope that they do and say the right thing, but how they support or NOT support us is just not our choice to make.  I would like my mom to tell people what I really do for a living instead of always telling them that I am in the fashion industry, which I left about 12 years ago.  I don’t know why she won’t tell people I am an artist, or that I have a store in my garage, or a fabulous network that I started from scratch, but for some bizarre reason she won’t and today I finally understand that there isn’t a thing I can do about it.

You and I have dreams and ideas and things that we want to share with the world and sometimes people will like them and sometimes they won’t.  Sometimes you will get a glowing review and sometimes it will be less than stellar.  But that does not mean you quit, it does not mean you allow someone else’s assessment of who they believe you are be your truth.  It means you stand up a little taller, you have faith in yourself and as long as you are not planning to abandon your family in order to run off and live in a shack in the woods, you go enthusiastically forward.

People have their own agendas…they have their own history, their own baggage, their own crap….  The key is to remember that it’s theirs and has nothing…not one thing to do with you.  In a perfect world we would all support each other without questions.  We would be thrilled to see the woman next to us living her dream and we would applaud her courage.  But this is not a perfect world, in fact, it’s quite flawed ( and its far more fun that way),  and we are merely human beings doing our best to live our own version of what OUR dream looks like.  Today you can choose to let other people’s opinions get in your way or you can pull those shoulders back, stand firm and be SO incredibly proud that you move right past any less than rave reviews.

You deserve to walk towards bliss and be amazed by the steps forward that you take….you deserve every happiness you can dream of and if the people around you don’t want that for you, or they can’t see past their own “stuff” long enough to want to lift you up then maybe it’s time to go in search of new people. 

I wish nothing but an ever-expanding support system for you, but sometimes it’s you, just a fabulous party of one, and that has to be okay too!  You go out there and continue to intentionally support those around you and when you least expect it, I promise you, PROMISE you that eventually you will get the same thing in return.  It may come from the last place you would ever look, but rest assured, it’s coming.  Until then, keep walking forward….your path is your own and if somebody else doesn’t want to celebrate it with you, that’s got to be okay too and you just keep walking tall lovely girl!! 

Today is such an amazing day….and if somebody shows up and gets in the way of your sunshine, you give them a hug, thank them for being who they are and just keep walking because you never know what sort of fabulous new person could be waiting just around the corner!

Wishing you nothing but bliss amidst piles of chocolate!

Heather

Houston we have Lift-Off!!

It's a gorgeous Monday in the neighborhood....the perfect day to push just one tiny button and launch Flawed is the New Fabulous, the offiicial website right into the abyss!!!  Yep, I did it, the site is live and my stomach feels as if a million little butterflies are alll trying to get out.

The irony is that there is nothing to be nervous about today because only my family even knows this exists until later this week...but still....there is the fact that in a matter of a couple days I will be taking this slogan to the top of every mountain...okay, well maybe not mountains, but at least the end of my driveway....  There is the knowing that I worked on this months, let it marinate, doubted the whole thing, celebrated the concept, tried talking myself out of it and then finally said, "to heck with it, this needs to be shared, this MUST be shared."

Something happens when you finally figure out what your IT is, and you just know you've found IT....You search and and you claw, you dig, you pray for answers, you turn over every rock and then when you least expect it....YOUR IT shows up with it's own little top hat and marching band ready to be seen....  IT feels right, IT feels like you found your missing piece of the puzzle and no matter how many times that little voice tries to talk you out of it, you can't help but KNOW that this is YOUR "IT!!!"

Have you found your IT yet?  Maybe you did but some nasty little voice (I call her NOna, but more on her later) tried to talk you out of it.  Perhaps you don't think the timing is right, or the circumstances perfect enough for putting your IT out there and making it real.  I have news for you, there is no perfect time.  There is only now, this moment, and you, a girl with a dream who desperately wants to make it a reality.  So...go....do....IT!

Whatever it is that has been following you around, tugging at your pant leg and telling you it wants to come out and play....open the door and let it out.  Maybe you don't need to jump, maybe you could just take one tiny little baby step....  As long as you are moving forward in the direction of a dream, then you can't go wrong, you will NOT go wrong!

Today is the day.  Write it down so the Universe can acknowledge IT.  Scribble your IT in BIG COLORFUL letters....you don't even need to tell a soul about it just yet, but at least put it somewhere that you can't help but seeing it.  Create a fake business card, a dummy website, even one product that moves you just a little bit closer to making it real.

I'm a girl just like you....and if I can do this, then heck yes, so can you!!  When you're ready I hope you will send me a little note and let me know that you've made it real so I can be there to celebrate right along with you.  Whatever your IT might be, if it means that much to you then it deserves to be shared!!  Somehow I just know you'll find a way!

Today is your day....and as the new saying goes, don't worry about it being perfect because after all,
FLAWED IS THE NEW FABULOUS!

Sending big hugs your way!
Don't forget to visit the website and help me get the word out....
www.flawedisthenewfabulous.com

Your Own Version of Happy

It’s 4:55 on a Tuesday morning and I have absolutely no idea why I am up this early.  I forget just how peaceful the world can be at this hour of the day….peaceful that is until my first cup of coffee kicks in and the voices in my head start barking orders regarding all the things I need to do today.  Some days it feels incredibly crowded in this brain of mine and today is one of those days….

I originally woke up around 4:15 and tried to go back to sleep but I started thinking about this new adventure I am beginning with Flawed and to be honest,  I started to freak out….just a little.  Something happens when I realize that I am sharing something deeply personal.  It can be nothing more than a thought or a drawing, maybe even an opinion, but the minute I put it out there a little panic alarm goes off;  “what will people think…..what will people think,” over and over again until it becomes almost like a chant.  Today, in the middle of this shrieking, I am again asking myself the same question that has popped up for years; ”what difference does it make what they think?”

The longer I think about that, the more I feel as though I have been wasting a hell of a lot of time worrying about something that ultimately has nothing to do with me.  I realize that sounds a little odd, but at the end of the day, I can’t change how you feel about me any more than you could try to change how I feel about you.  We have no control over what people’s perceptions of us will be, nor is it our responsibility to try and tinker with their opinions….  We can do our best to present ourselves the way we would like to be seen, but in the end, it is up to THEM to decide what they choose to see about us.  Our only job is to unconditionally and unwaveringly be who we fundamentally are and if the world chooses to see something different, well, that’s not really our problem, it’s not anybody’s problem, it just is.

Maybe today somebody will see me as the person who fell short of their expectations, or maybe they’ll think I am in desperate need of a haircut (they would be right)….perhaps they will think my outfit is horrible, my voice is too loud, and my opinions don’t matter.  In their minds, they would be right,and there isn’t a darned thing I can do about it.

How did we get to this place of worrying so much and trying so hard to change or mold the way people see us?  But we do….we  work tirelessly to carry the right handbags, say the right things, live in the right neighborhoods, and drive the right cars all in the name of making sure the picture THEY are seeing is the one we want them to see.

That’s a hell of a lot of pressure to put on ourselves, isn’t it?  Making sure we measure up to all the expectations or beliefs that we think people have of us?  Can you imagine how much easier life would be if we just put our most true and authentic versions of ourselves out there and said “to heck with what they think!”  What if we really just let our freak flag fly and didn’t pause to worry about being judged?  What are we afraid would happen if we let people see us for who we really are?  It’s not like the world would suddenly turn on its axis if I decided to wear blue lipstick today.  The rivers wouldn’t start running backwards if I shaved my head and tattooed the word “bliss” on my forehead would they?  I’m quite certain the answer would be NO.  So, then what is it?  What stops us from just putting it out there and not worrying about what the woman sitting next to us thinks? 

 There is no written criteria somewhere that says you have to look, act, talk, or feel a certain way, you just have to be you.  Do your best to live a good life, treat people well and in the end, if you can look in mirror and be comfortable with the reflection staring back, well, that is what matters most.  If you want to change something, then change it, but don’t do it because somebody is telling you to or because you believe someone is looking at you sideways.  Don’t change anything because you feel as though you don’t measure up, don’t fit in or you are desperately worried about what somebody will think.  Worry about what YOU think…and if you’re happy, or working towards being happy, then allow yourself to celebrate because after all is said and done, the opinions of the world will always be just that; opinions.  We’ve all got them and we’re not going to stop sharing them because it’s part of the whole human experience!  The trick is not changing who you are just because somebody’s opinion doesn’t match up to what you had hoped it would be.  You could make adjustments to who you are twenty different times a day and there would still be somebody who doesn’t like what you’ve done….but that’s just part of life and not your problem.

We are each a bit flawed, each on this magical journey, but every journey is different and that’s the most beautiful part of it!  So go be you, and be proud enough, be confident enough to know that YOU are absolutely fabulous just the way you are! 

Perhaps you and I can make a little pact while we’re here, and maybe you can share it with your friends so that everybody can benefit from it and we can take a little of the pressure off of each other.  I promise I won’t try to make you walk a different path or be any version of yourself other than who you are!  I promise that I will do my best to never get in the way of or give you any reason to question who you want to be and instead I will choose celebrate everything that makes us so different.   What I ask in return is quite simple….go right ahead and see me through your own eyes…the good, the bad, and all things in between…see whatever version of me suits you today….but do your best to see it from a place of love and acceptance even if it’s not what you would want for yourself.  You might not like my shoes or agree with my opinions, and that is perfectly fabulous as long as you and I don’t expect each other to change in order to be liked and accepted.  I’ll do my best to quit lamenting so much about what you think, and you do the same….then we’ll meet for a glass of wine, laugh about how foolish we have been to have spent so much time worrying, and in the end we will both be our own version of happy!

Today I wish you a day that puts you on the road towards unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and for every woman who crosses your path along the way!

Wishing you buckets of your own sort of bliss!

Heather

Being Aware of the Unicorn Killers

Today I would like to introduce you to the women I like to call The Unicorn Killers (yes, there are male Unicorn Killers, but that's a whole other blog).  Along the lines of embracing the things that make us feel good about ourselves, I think it’s time we throw down the gauntlet and acknowledge the flip side of things, or more specifically, the people in your world or who might cross your path that tend to steal your bliss.  We can’t be sure if they are doing it intentionally or if they are just so unhappy themselves  they aren’t even aware of their behavior, but what matters most is that you are able to identify them and be ready to mentally silence their negative ways.

Let me offer a few tell tale signs of the Unicorn Killers so you can be on the lookout for them in your own life:

A Unicorn Killer is the person in the group who when you are celebrating something, no matter how big or small, can always be counted on to find something wrong with it or make it feel less than fabulous!

YOU:  “I’m so excited!  I just got a promotion at work.”

Unicorn Killer:   “Is your boss a male?  He probably has a thing for you.”

A Unicorn Killer is the person who when everybody is paying you a compliment or enjoying something they love about you will be the one who points out something that is wrong.

YOU:  “I’m so excited that I finally decided to try this new hair color.”

YOUR FRIENDS:  “It looks great, you look ten years younger, I love it.”

Unicorn Killer:  “I never noticed that line between your eyebrows before, I’ve got a great guy for Botox if you want his number.”

A Unicorn Killer is always there to remind you of your short-comings while you are on walking on Cloud Nine.

YOU:  “I just lost 6 pounds!  I can’t believe I finally got off my butt and did it! I’m so excited!”

Unicorn Killer:  “Yes, but don’t you have like 20 more to go? You’re not even half-way there yet.”

The Unicorn Killer can always be relied on to rain on your parade, give you reason to doubt yourself, or find a way to diminish your bliss and steal your rainbows!  Somehow, she is always the first one to show up when things are not going the way you hoped they would, but she is not there to offer to support, she is there to quietly say “I told you so.”

If I’m being perfectly honest with you, then I don’t mind telling you that the leader of the Unicorn Killers in my world is my mother.  Sad, but true.  She’s been that way my whole life.  I take a step forward and she reminds me of all the times I tripped and slid backward.  I accomplish something I am proud of, she reminds me of the times I screwed up or fell short.  The good news is that the older I get, and with a little bit of help from a very patient therapist, I have learned to head her off at the pass….I just don’t tell her anything.

It sounds a bit sad to admit that one of the most negative forces in my world just so happens to be the woman who is partially responsible for my being here, but unless you’re really lucky, you don’t normally get to pick your parents but you can pick your battles.

The point is not who YOUR Unicorn Killers are, but how you choose to handle them.  We can CHOOSE to permit them to continue to throw mud in our eyes,  we can simply walk in the other direction when we see them coming or teach ourselves to simply not hear them when they are speaking their usual negative language.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at an event filled with throngs of women I don’t know and no matter how big or small the group is, I know that somewhere in that room is a Unicorn Killer.  The moment I locate her I make a mental note and flip the switch that will help me to not take it personally when she slings one of her verbal arrows in my direction.  People are people and each one of us has a story.  Some people take their story and use it to put good into the world, others, like the Unicorn Killers, well, not so much.  But honestly, that’s their problem and you don’t have to let it be yours.  Once again, it comes right down to choice.

It’s not our responsibility to change people, but we do owe it to ourselves to change how WE respond.  If you are aware of a Unicorn Killer in your own life, you can choose to walk away, not answer the phone, eliminate contact, and if you DO run into her, you can teach yourself to not let her words get into your head. You can take away her power by not giving her the opportunity to thwart your amazing day.  I know from personal experience that it is far easier to listen and HEAR the negative junk instead of focusing on the positive.  But what if when the negative words are headed in our direction we make a conscious choice to consider the source and flip the mental switch that is specially programmed to silence the Unicorn Killer?

Can you imagine how much more rewarding life would be if we all actually CHOOSE to listen to the good, to surround ourselves with people who lift us up and make us feel fabulous?  Each and every one of us has our flaws, the trick is to not surround ourselves with people who get some sort of twisted enjoyment by pointing them out!  If there is somebody in your life who repeatedly dims your light in order to make hers appear brighter, it’s time to make the conscious choice to distance yourself from her negative ways because anything less than that is a form of self-sabotage that you simply do not deserve!

Today I wish you the ability to consciously choose to silence, eliminate, and rise above any Unicorn Killer that might cross your path.  Instead of enabling her to invite you to doubt yourself, I would challenge you to stand up tall, smile, and remind her that you’re perfectly thrilled with you are because it just so happens that FLAWED IS THE NEW FABULOUS.

xo

Heather