Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Your Own Version of Happy

It’s 4:55 on a Tuesday morning and I have absolutely no idea why I am up this early.  I forget just how peaceful the world can be at this hour of the day….peaceful that is until my first cup of coffee kicks in and the voices in my head start barking orders regarding all the things I need to do today.  Some days it feels incredibly crowded in this brain of mine and today is one of those days….
I originally woke up around 4:15 and tried to go back to sleep but I started thinking about this new adventure I am beginning with Flawed and to be honest,  I started to freak out….just a little.  Something happens when I realize that I am sharing something deeply personal.  It can be nothing more than a thought or a drawing, maybe even an opinion, but the minute I put it out there a little panic alarm goes off;  “what will people think…..what will people think,” over and over again until it becomes almost like a chant.  Today, in the middle of this shrieking, I am again asking myself the same question that has popped up for years; ”what difference does it make what they think?”
The longer I think about that, the more I feel as though I have been wasting a hell of a lot of time worrying about something that ultimately has nothing to do with me.  I realize that sounds a little odd, but at the end of the day, I can’t change how you feel about me any more than you could try to change how I feel about you.  We have no control over what people’s perceptions of us will be, nor is it our responsibility to try and tinker with their opinions….  We can do our best to present ourselves the way we would like to be seen, but in the end, it is up to THEM to decide what they choose to see about us.  Our only job is to unconditionally and unwaveringly be who we fundamentally are and if the world chooses to see something different, well, that’s not really our problem, it’s not anybody’s problem, it just is.
Maybe today somebody will see me as the person who fell short of their expectations, or maybe they’ll think I am in desperate need of a haircut (they would be right)….perhaps they will think my outfit is horrible, my voice is too loud, and my opinions don’t matter.  In their minds, they would be right,and there isn’t a darned thing I can do about it.

How did we get to this place of worrying so much and trying so hard to change or mold the way people see us?  But we do….we  work tirelessly to carry the right handbags, say the right things, live in the right neighborhoods, and drive the right cars all in the name of making sure the picture THEY are seeing is the one we want them to see.
That’s a hell of a lot of pressure to put on ourselves, isn’t it?  Making sure we measure up to all the expectations or beliefs that we think people have of us?  Can you imagine how much easier life would be if we just put our most true and authentic versions of ourselves out there and said “to heck with what they think!”  What if we really just let our freak flag fly and didn’t pause to worry about being judged?  What are we afraid would happen if we let people see us for who we really are?  It’s not like the world would suddenly turn on its axis if I decided to wear blue lipstick today.  The rivers wouldn’t start running backwards if I shaved my head and tattooed the word “bliss” on my forehead would they?  I’m quite certain the answer would be NO.  So, then what is it?  What stops us from just putting it out there and not worrying about what the woman sitting next to us thinks? 
 There is no written criteria somewhere that says you have to look, act, talk, or feel a certain way, you just have to be you.  Do your best to live a good life, treat people well and in the end, if you can look in mirror and be comfortable with the reflection staring back, well, that is what matters most.  If you want to change something, then change it, but don’t do it because somebody is telling you to or because you believe someone is looking at you sideways.  Don’t change anything because you feel as though you don’t measure up, don’t fit in or you are desperately worried about what somebody will think.  Worry about what YOU think…and if you’re happy, or working towards being happy, then allow yourself to celebrate because after all is said and done, the opinions of the world will always be just that; opinions.  We’ve all got them and we’re not going to stop sharing them because it’s part of the whole human experience!  The trick is not changing who you are just because somebody’s opinion doesn’t match up to what you had hoped it would be.  You could make adjustments to who you are twenty different times a day and there would still be somebody who doesn’t like what you’ve done….but that’s just part of life and not your problem.
We are each a bit flawed, each on this magical journey, but every journey is different and that’s the most beautiful part of it!  So go be you, and be proud enough, be confident enough to know that YOU are absolutely fabulous just the way you are! 

Perhaps you and I can make a little pact while we’re here, and maybe you can share it with your friends so that everybody can benefit from it and we can take a little of the pressure off of each other.  I promise I won’t try to make you walk a different path or be any version of yourself other than who you are!  I promise that I will do my best to never get in the way of or give you any reason to question who you want to be and instead I will choose celebrate everything that makes us so different.   What I ask in return is quite simple….go right ahead and see me through your own eyes…the good, the bad, and all things in between…see whatever version of me suits you today….but do your best to see it from a place of love and acceptance even if it’s not what you would want for yourself.  You might not like my shoes or agree with my opinions, and that is perfectly fabulous as long as you and I don’t expect each other to change in order to be liked and accepted.  I’ll do my best to quit lamenting so much about what you think, and you do the same….then we’ll meet for a glass of wine, laugh about how foolish we have been to have spent so much time worrying, and in the end we will both be our own version of happy!
Today I wish you a day that puts you on the road towards unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and for every woman who crosses your path along the way!
Wishing you buckets of your own sort of bliss!

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